PINK FUNK

    "Some *#$?in S#*& stole my money/Some *#$?in S#*&, it ain't funny... well they'll take your soul if you letm/and they'll take your money too/don't be fooled don't you letm cuz theyll strip your pride in two...there are no morals or ethics and there’s just no gettin through" - "Some *#$?in S#*&", Life Sex & Death (1992)
    You don’t steal somebody's bike, bro. It's just wrong. Cowardly, petty, and just not cool. Especially in a barrier island resort town where it's how I Get Around, to paraphrase Brian. Unfortunately bikes are cheap here, because they're ubiquitous and frequently purloined. I go through one annually. More unfortunately my script specs were in my handlebar mounted fannypack, so if you saw me  pedaling around town this week with my regular specs under big circa ‘70 Miles Davis shades, that's why. But "forward ever backward never", I will come back from adversity. One door closes, another opens. Every setback is an opportunity. I loved "my old red bike/gets me around/the bars and beaches of my town" (Jimmy Buffett, "I Have Found Me A Home", 1973). But I've always wanted a pink beach cruiser, and $100 and a trip to (gasp...drinking with the enemy, as Buxy's shirt says) WalMart later; I got one.
    There is no accounting for taste, as the trope goes. It's singularly...singular, unique to the individual. I don't know why pink is my favorite color. Possibly because it's not necessarily societally acceptable. I like to do the opposite of whatever's expected, an inheritance perhaps of the classic Mick Mars quote "everyone was wearing short hair and playing polite powerpop. I said *#$@ this. I'm not gonna do that. I'll grow my hair to my $*@ and play the loudest, rudest hard rock you ever heard". With birth, you're issued blue or pink. Why? Its just a color. It's so arbitrary... like profanity regulations. I'm not buying it. It's a sound formed by your lips. The concept that that could be "offensive" insults intelligence. No word is offensive in and of itself. Any offense is in the mind of the beholder. And I'm incapable of being offended. Or so I thought. But I was pretty offended Tuesday night when my wheels were stolen. Especially considering the circumstances …
    Having just returned from what will prove to be their penultimate performance, where ence  Funk Shue jammed for a full hour prior to lead vocalist extraordinaire Caitleen Ryan even entered the building (looking and sounding lovely, lass), I was in high spirits. So I didnt see the scum in front of me that took my bike until it was gone. It's only my experience as a Baltimoron that saved me. You learn a lot when all your friends are junkies and you drive a drugmobile for a pharmacy in all the wrong neighborhoods in Bodymore, Murderland. As a teenager. In the cracked up eighties.
    But I digress. Baltimore was a great city...
to leave. "I already left you and you're better off left behind" ("Bad Obsession", Izzy Stradin, 1991). By the way was Axl attempting an Ethel Merman, or was he just trying to sabotage another superior Stradlin song?

 

PINK FLOYD
is so overrated. I say that because they were so inconsistent. The madcap laughs at their legacy.

 

PINK FAERIES
Note original British spelling. Underrated. Madeningly inconsistent lineup included pre Motorhead rhythm sect @ one point (1974).

 

PINK ROYAL
Was really the excuse for this column. Lush, lush, lush beautiful band from Kansas City.

 

They call themselves "sophistipop" and a music critic couldn’t call it better. Like Muse/Mew/Mgmt/Radiohead? If you don’t, stop reading my column, you....
    This just in...recovered my bike, two blocks from where it was stolen. Have a nice day.